Burn Marks and Missing Parts
by Lydia Anne
Summary: Adam's backstory. His POV. It might go on to feature an OC of some sort... if you know what I mean ;  But, yes. Adam's coming out, coming to terms, creation, etc..
1. Coming to Terms

**So, this is Adam's story. They don't have enough backstory about him, I think. Just that he used to burn himself and that he had gone to various schools... So I'm going to write about that. Have fun...

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Gracie looked down at her burnt wrists. She gave a half-hearted laugh and looked up at the sky. _Am I crazy...?_ She thought. She knew she wasn't normal. She hated the thoughts that coursed through her mind all the time. It was... weird. She didn't fit in anywhere. Well, she fit in with the boys... _Shut up, stupid brain..._ She knew it was wrong. She was born a girl, it was unnatural... Did people always act like this? Like, in 300 BCE, were there people like her? Girls that didn't feel like girls... Gracie imagined those women from the fourteen hundreds... in their long dresses, hair pinned up, in tight corsets... _I bet the ones like me were crucified or something... locked up... made to bleed... burnt to death..._

She rummaged through her drawers and pulled out a lighter and a metal fork. She held the fire up against the fork until the fork turned orange in heat. She pressed the fork firmly against her unclothed chest and let out an agonizing scream.

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"So, how have you been, Gracie?" Dr. Rosen asked the 14 year old girl, in a seemingly worried tone.

"Better, ma'am. Um, do you know much longer I have to stay here?" She replied apathetically.

"We just don't want you hurting yourself. You can leave once you feel better. We just want to help."

"I know, ma'am."

"You still don't want to tell me what's bothering you?"

"Nothing, ma'am. I've just been feeling kind of upset."

"Kind of upset doesn't make you brand yourself with a 940 degree fork."

"I... keep getting these thoughts."

"What kind of thoughts?"

Gracie didn't want to admit it. It was weird. It probably wasn't even that bad, anyways, compared to some of the people at the hospital. There was that schizo Keira, always muttering to herself. There was that Satanic Lucy who was always screaming "THE DARK LORD WILL SAVE US ALL FROM THE BRAINWASHED SOCIETY!" There was Kelly, that poor girl who had been raped. Did Gracie belong there? Well, first of all it was called "The Rothschild Mental Healing Center for Young Women". Gracie was certainly not a young woman. That was the whole mess that got her there. Did she need mental healing, though? Maybe... but she wasn't that bad. Just pathetic... weak and pathetic...

"Doctor, can I leave, please? I don't belong here."

"Well, you aren't leaving until we find out what is wrong. So, you can either tell me what the thoughts are about, or you can tell me what led up to you burning yourself. Low Self-Esteem? Family problems?"

"Listen, I'm fine. I... I just don't belong here, okay? I'm not mentally ill and I'm not a young _woman_!"

"Not a young woman?" _Oops. I didn't mean to blurt out that part..._

"I'm... just a girl... I'm immature. That term makes me seem older and all..."

"You are perfectly mature for your age, Gracie. That's a false self-assumption." Dr. Rosen took down notes. Perhaps Gracie was afraid of growing up, and that caused her to hurt herself. She didn't want to let go of her childhood...?

"Is that what caused you to hurt yourself, Grace? Do you fear growing up?"

"Yes. You have figured out what is wrong with me! Thank the Lord, I guess you'll just give me some medicine or something, now, and I'll be on my way..."

"Not so fast. It takes hours of therapy to overcome phobias. Now, are you sure that this is it?"

Dr. Rosen was reconsidering. She seemed to be faking that this was the reason.

"I'm totally sure. I'm completely terrified of the responsibilities of age, that is the problem. You have helped me identify it, thank you so much! I've been cured!"

"Gracie, you have to stay here, still. Identifying the problem is just the first part of the healing process."

Gracie sighed. "Okay. You're right. That's not it..." _Should I just come clean?_ "I am not afraid of aging. I just... don't identify with being a... woman. Or girl. Or female. Okay? I know. I'm... a freak."

Dr. Rosen nodded. This made a lot more sense, with her previous notes, her background, everything...

"Don't think that you are a freak. Never say that about yourself. This happens sometimes, with people. You know Dr. Frank Madison? He was born as Madison Frank. Do you want to talk to him instead? He might be able to help you better..."

Wow. There was someone just like Gracie in the very hospital... and not as a patient, but a _doctor_. Maybe she wasn't such a freak after all.

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**To be continued... x]**

**Review, pleeeease?**

**If you review... I'll... give you a pixelated cookie...?**


	2. Creation and Backstory

**AN: So, I haven't updated this in a year... but I remembered that it exists so I shall now update it. Thanks for the views and the review that I can't read due to some unspecified reason... Anyways, on with the story...**

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"Hello, Gracie." Dr. Madison said. "Or would you like to be called something different?"

"Um... I don't know. Like a... guy's name?"

"Yes."

"What about... Adam?"

"Adam is a great name."

Gracie, no- Adam, could hardly believe that this was reality. She, or he, has always fantasized about this other life, Adam's life. But she/he knew that she/he was just Gracie. But now that Adam had entered the real world, the fiction became fact.

"Alright, then, Adam, tell me about your childhood."

"When I was really young my mom married my step-dad who had a son. I didn't have any friends that were girls and I was mostly alone reading or writing. I really liked being around Drew, my step-brother, and he's like a real brother to me now. I don't really remember that much of it..."

"That's good. So, when did you start thinking of yourself as male?

"Well, I never actually felt like a girl... girls were kind of just this foreign species of people in my mind. I didn't understand them... And I always thought I was better fit as a guy. I cut my hair off when I was in 5th grade. When I went through puberty it was this awkward development of unnecessary parts that I felt ashamed of. I think I started thinking of myself as a guy- and I tried very hard not to think like that- when I was in 5th grade, I think. I remember when my mom made me wear a bra I felt like a fool, like a guy wearing one, so I stopped. And the more my mom and society tried to get me to do "girly things" the more of a fool I felt."

"When did you start self-harming?"

"In 6th grade I began to get depressed, and I tried cutting myself. It wasn't deep, though, and not very serious. But in 7th, I had a lighter, and I heated up my barrette, and pressed it against my skin... I hated myself. I hated my thoughts, I hated who I was, I hated being stuck inside this body.. this life. And I did that until I got sent here."

"Adam, you know that you are great just the way you are, and even if the world can't accept it, you know that you accept it about yourself, and that you are happy this way."

"Thanks."  
"So, you really are reading to start your transition?

"Yes, I am. I need this, I realize that now. I need to be myself. I have to stop pretending."

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**AN: So a little cheesy ending, but whatever. :) Review, favorite, etc... The more people who do that the more pressure Ill be under to finish this!**


	3. The Bubble

**AN: I feel like I didn't get everything in his past past right, like how I wanted to in my head... so I guess I'll further elaborate as time goes on. Anyways...**

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"Starting the transition" was basically just having Adam journal a ton about his thoughts about his feelings. The other part of the "transition" was Dr. Madison telling Adam helpful ways to, well, transition, like how to bind his chest with an ace bandage. The more this went on, the more that Adam replaced Gracie, the happier and more content Adam felt about himself.

He would be let out of the "Healing Center" on Friday. It was Tuesday. He had already been there for a week. Adam was scared to leave, though. He knew that the outside world was crueler than this bubble. He was scared to tell his family. He was scared about how people would react. They would hurt him, he knew. The small town in Canada that he lived in wouldn't be accepting. But he had to go through with it. He couldn't revert back to Gracie Torres.

During group the next day, a new girl arrived. Her eyes were blank, but she was beautiful nonetheless. She sat down next to Adam, and looked down.  
"Hey," Adam said to her, "I'm Adam." She looked up at him confused.  
"Isn't this place for girls only?"  
"Um..."  
"Oh, got it... I'm Charlotte."  
"What do you mean, got it?"  
"Well, your a tranny, aren't you?"  
"...Yeah. I guess I am..."  
"It's alright. I don't care."  
Miss Jenkins, the group counselor, walked in, and everyone became quiet. "Hello, girls. And Adam, I suppose. We have a new member today. Would you like to introduce yourself?"  
"I'm Charlotte...hi."  
"Can you share what brings you here?"  
"I'd rather not."  
"That's okay. You don't have to. Anyways, today we're going to talk about our families, and our perspectives and obstacles surrounding that. How about you start, Lucy?"  
"I just have a dad, and he's a dick. He's a priest. Hypocrital, mindless... I know the Dark Lord is after him and he'll get what he deserves... eternal damnation. And I'll be there, laughing..."  
"Okay, Lucy, that's enough. Keira?"  
"...I don't... I have my mom... she's real sweet... but she always is... she screams in the night... screams with pleasure and agony... and my brother, Jake, he's all nice, but he's always scaring me, and making fun of my friends, he says they aren't there, and that makes me cry."  
"Kelly?"  
"I have a mom and a dad, they're both very Catholic and pretty strict. I also have a baby brother, William. He's a cutie. My family's good, though. They're supportive."  
"I'm glad to hear that." She smiled. "Adam?"  
"My mom's all nice. She can be pretty stern at times though, and even though she loves me, she worries, and is always trying to change me. My dad, who's really my step-dad, is good. We don't talk much, though. And my brother, Drew, who is my step-dad's son, is my best friend... he can be really protective of me, but that's alright."  
"Good. Charlotte?"  
"My mom's a whore. I'm her only kid. That's about it..."  
"We can talk more about this in private. Anyways, now let's talk about the obstacles, and how we can solve our problems..."

The conversation trailed on, and when it was over, it was time for lunch. Adam sat down next to Charlotte.  
"Hello, Adam." She greeted.  
"Hey. So, why are you here...?"  
"I said I didn't want to talk about it."  
"I know. I thought that maybe if it was in solace then you might share."  
"Well, here, then." Charlotte pulled the neckline of her shirt down to reveal a layering of bandage, tinted red. "I missed. Obviously."  
"I'm glad that you did..."  
"What about you?"  
"This-" Adam proceeded to pull his shirt down, along with his ace bandage, to show the raised branding scar.  
"Ouch. I'm sorry."  
"It's fine. Yours is worse."  
"Mine was in cowardice, you were brave enough to _live_ with your problems..."  
"It's okay, Charlotte. You're still living with yours, now, which makes you brave."  
"But I'm locked up here, away from it. I'm still hiding."  
"I guess I am too, then."


End file.
